The basis for stepfamilies
Taaafel offers help with the problems of blended families.
Forming a stepfamily is not an easy task. Do you recognize any of the following?
- Loneliness
Many (step) parents feel lonely in a stepfamily. You try to keep everything running, but the responsibility seems too big for your shoulders. Asking for help from your partner leads you too often into an argument. - Exclusion
Many stepparents feel excluded. Participation in “normal family things” is not a given. Decisions are taken without you being involved and sometimes you are ignored. This often leads to jealousy or rejection of stepchildren. - Everyone wants attention
Especially parents can feel this way in a blended family: everyone pulls at them: the kids, the new partner, the ex-partner… and if you listen to all these voices (which are often also conflicting) are you still in contact with your own wishes? “I don’t want to have to choose between my partner and my child” is a common statement. - Desire for success
The partners in a stepfamily often feel a great responsibility for the success of “the stepfamily project.” The children have been through a divorce. Therefore, you want to prevent it from happening again. - Burnout
Having a blended family and losing balance for a long time can drain so much energy from one of the partners that a burnout is unfortunately common in blended families.
Does any of this play out in your stepfamily? Could you use more companionship, more connection, and more lasting cooperation in your family? Or did you meet someone with whom you want to form a composite family and you want to avoid all this and prepare yourself as well as possible for the pitfalls of a stepfamily? Then stop by Taaafel!
TAAAFEL offers:
- Always a no-obligation half-hour introductory consult (book an appointment at the button “maak een afspraak”)
- Taaafel of 18: a solid foundation for the stepfamily based on 18 hours of consult.
- Individual consults on an hourly basis.
Want to know a little more first? Read more about me or go to the FAQ.
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About Marjolein van der Linden
Two years after my divorce, my new partner and I bought a joint house between our ex-partners. My children (then 10 and 12) could travel independently to their father’s house and the youngest (then 5) would eventually be able to do the same. By choosing to co-parent, the children are with us 50% of the time.
We didn’t know what we were getting into. I would have liked to give myself a trajectory that I now offer others.
When we lived together for two years, we argued more and more about the children, even if it was just the two of us. I was jealous of my stepson who got so much attention from his father. We said more often “Maybe we should sell the house.” At that time we looked for help and found it in the form of constellation therapy. Those talks saved our family. I saw how lonely I had become precisely because I was working so hard. Then we found our way back and knew we wanted to go for it together.
The children are now older (21, 19, and 14). After 10 years of living in a stepfamily, I can say that our life together has its unique dynamics. At the same time, a blended family is never finished. Still, there are ups and downs. But it is never boring!
Frequently Asked Questions
Which method do you use?
I focus on supporting and blended families. As a licensed StiefgoedCoach, I am familiar with this Methodology. In addition, I use the principles of my 5-year training in Psychosynthesis in my work, offering tools and insights that you can immediately apply in your own family’s practice.
I think it’s the perfect blend between relational therapy, counseling, and coaching.
How does TAAAFEL work?
So the basis of working at Taaafel is on the one hand paying attention to you and your problems and on the other hand learning about the laws of a composite family. At the same time, by paying attention to communication, you also learn to better see through your wants and needs and gain insight into those of your partner.
You dare to go for it together again: with a grip on things and trust in each other.
Who do you work with?
I work with the parent and partner in the stepfamily. Because I part of the work is systemic, the whole system benefits. Sometimes (adolescent) children also like to tell their side of the story. And when it’s helpful, the ex-partner can join too.
Trauma
Sometimes you have suffered trauma in a stepfamily as a child or as a (step) parent. You don’t live in this family anymore, but the family is still in your way every day. You are now a (step) mother/father or (step) grandmother/grandfather yourself, or you no longer see your (step) (grand) children. Also in these situations, TAAAFEL offers you help.
Is homework important?
I often give homework to integrate what you learn during the sessions into your daily life. That practice is often very helpful to see what works and what does not. You bring that experience back to the conversations, so we see what can be learned from it.
What’s that Transformation Game?
The Game of Transformation is a real game, developed by InnerLinks with lots of fun parts, but it has a transformative energy as well. Here you can find Mary Inglish, one of the founders, on a youtube about the Transformation Game.
It works very well for pairs who like to connect on a different level, without “being in therapy”.
If you book this game in 2023, you can do this with a 30% reduction! For more information and dates, please contact me, by app or mail.
What if we forget the appointment or we can’t come?
I will, of course, reserve time for you. A late cancellation or no-show means a hole in my day that someone else could have used. Therefore, I have a 48-hour cancellation period for canceling or changing the appointment. Moreover, you can reschedule that appointment yourself through the website. So even if it’s evening, weekend, or the middle of the night: you can access your appointment yourself.
If you change or cancel the appointment within 48 hours, I charge a cancellation fee of €60. If you miss the appointment, I charge for the full conversation.
Of course, there may be exceptional circumstances. In that case, let me hear from you. I’m sure we’ll work it out together.
Can we also meet in the evenings and on weekends?
Yes. My regular evening appointments are on Mondays and Tuesdays, with the last call starting at 7:30 p.m. I am also available on weekends. I am also in the office one Saturday a month. See the calendar for the exact dates.
Also, can we call or app you?
Sure! My phone number is 06-42722837. Because I’m often in conversations, you won’t always get an immediate answer. If you want, you can also reserve ‘phone time’ in the calendar (Maak een afspraak-button) and I will call you back at the desired time.
What is the address?
You can find TAAAFEL at Seinstraat 22, 1223 DA in Hilversum (Orion building, 3rd floor).
